How to Have Fun in LA
Last night I went to a birthday party for a friend I made out here. Her name is Marcie and she just turned 22 for the umpteenth time. This was a big evening for me in three ways.
1. I left my apartment for a non-work-related event.
2. I spent time with all two of my LA friends at the same time.
3. I had fun.
You see, Marcie and I are both black women in our late twenties who err on the side of catty. That would be where our similarities end.
Marcie is a very talented singer.
I played cello in high school.
Marcie dresses like a rockstar.
I dress for the Hamptons.
Marcie generously arranges events for a group of women we know, some she likes, some she doesn’t.
I don’t come.
But we both have the same direct, honest, and somewhat harsh outlook on life and people. So last night when I arrived at the party she informed me of some drama that had occurred at a recent event she arranged (which I didn’t attend).
After that she asked me if I was sleeping with a mutual friend of ours.
“What? No!” was my response.
She then informed me that there was a rumor going around that the mutual friend and I were “having relations.” (Note to readers: “having relations” is not a direct quote.)
“In that case, Yes. We are so totally 'having relations.' Please tell everyone.”
(Note to readers: “having relations” is not a direct quote.)
This is when I began to have a good time. I waited for said mutual friend to arrive and informed the person in question about our torrid love affair. The mutual friend was game for the ruse and we set about creating a romantic relationship for the benefit of people I don’t care about.
I began to drink, calling my new significant other “honey,” “sweetie,” and other terms of endearment. We danced, we laughed, and we had a great time. It occurred to me that I should create relationships out of thin air all the time.
It also occurred to me that I had more fun than I’ve had with that group of people in a really long time. They’re quite drama-prone so I decided to remove myself from the mess so as to remain sane and maintain my dignity. Instead, I should be using their proclivity for drama for my own amusement.
Why didn’t I think of this before? Everyone annoying exists to entertain me in some fashion or another. Instead of shunning people for being morons, I should embrace them in a purely patronizing way.
Alcohol and condescension are always the quickest paths to Funville!
I’m ashamed this is only now coming to me. I really am slipping…
Last night I went to a birthday party for a friend I made out here. Her name is Marcie and she just turned 22 for the umpteenth time. This was a big evening for me in three ways.
1. I left my apartment for a non-work-related event.
2. I spent time with all two of my LA friends at the same time.
3. I had fun.
You see, Marcie and I are both black women in our late twenties who err on the side of catty. That would be where our similarities end.
Marcie is a very talented singer.
I played cello in high school.
Marcie dresses like a rockstar.
I dress for the Hamptons.
Marcie generously arranges events for a group of women we know, some she likes, some she doesn’t.
I don’t come.
But we both have the same direct, honest, and somewhat harsh outlook on life and people. So last night when I arrived at the party she informed me of some drama that had occurred at a recent event she arranged (which I didn’t attend).
After that she asked me if I was sleeping with a mutual friend of ours.
“What? No!” was my response.
She then informed me that there was a rumor going around that the mutual friend and I were “having relations.” (Note to readers: “having relations” is not a direct quote.)
“In that case, Yes. We are so totally 'having relations.' Please tell everyone.”
(Note to readers: “having relations” is not a direct quote.)
This is when I began to have a good time. I waited for said mutual friend to arrive and informed the person in question about our torrid love affair. The mutual friend was game for the ruse and we set about creating a romantic relationship for the benefit of people I don’t care about.
I began to drink, calling my new significant other “honey,” “sweetie,” and other terms of endearment. We danced, we laughed, and we had a great time. It occurred to me that I should create relationships out of thin air all the time.
It also occurred to me that I had more fun than I’ve had with that group of people in a really long time. They’re quite drama-prone so I decided to remove myself from the mess so as to remain sane and maintain my dignity. Instead, I should be using their proclivity for drama for my own amusement.
Why didn’t I think of this before? Everyone annoying exists to entertain me in some fashion or another. Instead of shunning people for being morons, I should embrace them in a purely patronizing way.
Alcohol and condescension are always the quickest paths to Funville!
I’m ashamed this is only now coming to me. I really am slipping…
posted by Anika at 5:42 PM
2 Comments:
you are wicked! question: was it as good for your virtual lover as it was for you?
Yes! We continued our love affair this weekend. I'm even planning an upcoming birthday event in my virtual reality lover's honor. We're trying to keep the rumor up the best way we know how...
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