Nice and Easy Does it
I’ve been shedding.
Hair, Skin, Friends, it’s all the same. I’m stressed and getting rid of stuff.
The hair thing is not good. Since I started my job four months ago I’ve noticed that more and more of my hair ends up on the bathroom floor. This has to stop. As my mother so succinctly put it when I visited her last week, “It’s just a job, kid. So just go in and collect a paycheck until you can get where you need to be. Don’t worry about the bullshit. You’re better than that.”
Yes, she really does talk like that.
I decided to take her advice and for the past two days (since I’ve come back from vacation) it’s been working. I think I was the only one in today’s staff meeting who wasn’t annoyed. I felt completely serene and unattached to what was going on. It was great. I’m even seeing less of my hair on the floor.
The skin thing is good and natural. Every 28 days we shed a layer of skin. As we grow older the time between shedding grows longer and our skin loses its elasticity. All of the fancy anti-aging products are really about restoring the 28-day shed cycle (or so my dermatologist says).
So I guess I’ve taken a lesson from my skin in the friends department. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, I’m eliminating people who don’t bring me joy. This past weekend in NYC I realized that relationships should make you happy. I have quite a few relationships of that type and need to spend my time cultivating those.
So I did. And it was wonderful.
Don’t get me wrong, the weekend started out not so great. I went on a car trip with 6 other people from DC to New York. When I got to New York my toiletry bag wasn’t in the car. The bag had about $1300 worth of stuff (obviously not all toiletries – I’m not a Crème de la Mer person, yet) including several non-replaceable items. I can safely say this put me in a very foul mood. Instead of sulking at Applebee’s with the rest of the group I decided to change my clothes and go to a dear old friend’s party. And wouldn’t you know I felt immediately better. I stayed at her party until 3am!
I spent the next day hanging out with three friends from college who I miss terribly, and who always manage to make me laugh. I also hung out with a new friend I made last month through work. I managed to have a great time.
And at 9:30am when I dragged my hung-over ass from Brooklyn to Manhattan I decided that life was too short to waste on thorny relationships. Ones that are difficult or unpleasant or that don’t make me happy don’t have any business in my life. I think I’ve been hanging on to some relationships because they were familiar, or because at one time they did make me happy, but I think I’m getting too old for that sh--. If I can have a terrific time hanging out with a friend I met a month ago, why should I be miserable being with someone I’ve known for years?
In the next three to six months I will start a new job, move across the country, and begin the process of applying to grad school. With all that on my plate for the first half of the year, when do I have time for arduous and disappointing relationships? Maybe it’s not in the cards for me and them right now. Maybe it’s not meant for us to be friends. Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe it’s not. All I know right now is that stuff that isn’t working is going to end up either down the drain or the bathroom floor.
I’ve been shedding.
Hair, Skin, Friends, it’s all the same. I’m stressed and getting rid of stuff.
The hair thing is not good. Since I started my job four months ago I’ve noticed that more and more of my hair ends up on the bathroom floor. This has to stop. As my mother so succinctly put it when I visited her last week, “It’s just a job, kid. So just go in and collect a paycheck until you can get where you need to be. Don’t worry about the bullshit. You’re better than that.”
Yes, she really does talk like that.
I decided to take her advice and for the past two days (since I’ve come back from vacation) it’s been working. I think I was the only one in today’s staff meeting who wasn’t annoyed. I felt completely serene and unattached to what was going on. It was great. I’m even seeing less of my hair on the floor.
The skin thing is good and natural. Every 28 days we shed a layer of skin. As we grow older the time between shedding grows longer and our skin loses its elasticity. All of the fancy anti-aging products are really about restoring the 28-day shed cycle (or so my dermatologist says).
So I guess I’ve taken a lesson from my skin in the friends department. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, I’m eliminating people who don’t bring me joy. This past weekend in NYC I realized that relationships should make you happy. I have quite a few relationships of that type and need to spend my time cultivating those.
So I did. And it was wonderful.
Don’t get me wrong, the weekend started out not so great. I went on a car trip with 6 other people from DC to New York. When I got to New York my toiletry bag wasn’t in the car. The bag had about $1300 worth of stuff (obviously not all toiletries – I’m not a Crème de la Mer person, yet) including several non-replaceable items. I can safely say this put me in a very foul mood. Instead of sulking at Applebee’s with the rest of the group I decided to change my clothes and go to a dear old friend’s party. And wouldn’t you know I felt immediately better. I stayed at her party until 3am!
I spent the next day hanging out with three friends from college who I miss terribly, and who always manage to make me laugh. I also hung out with a new friend I made last month through work. I managed to have a great time.
And at 9:30am when I dragged my hung-over ass from Brooklyn to Manhattan I decided that life was too short to waste on thorny relationships. Ones that are difficult or unpleasant or that don’t make me happy don’t have any business in my life. I think I’ve been hanging on to some relationships because they were familiar, or because at one time they did make me happy, but I think I’m getting too old for that sh--. If I can have a terrific time hanging out with a friend I met a month ago, why should I be miserable being with someone I’ve known for years?
In the next three to six months I will start a new job, move across the country, and begin the process of applying to grad school. With all that on my plate for the first half of the year, when do I have time for arduous and disappointing relationships? Maybe it’s not in the cards for me and them right now. Maybe it’s not meant for us to be friends. Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe it’s not. All I know right now is that stuff that isn’t working is going to end up either down the drain or the bathroom floor.
posted by Anika at 8:29 PM
2 Comments:
you are very wise to take inventory and jettison the excess baggage... long live Erykah Badu and her Bag Lady tune!
I too hung on to a bunch of friendships long after they'd stopped being a positive force in my life... Sometimes shedding things is a good, albeit cathartic process. (comment 10 of 20)
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